Help is anyone in my shoes??

[Annette J & son Eric]

I was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate 31 years ago.
I had my first child when I was 17,the second child, a boy,was
born with a severe bilateral lip and palate. Ialso have 3 more
children, which were all born ok. I thought that I was strong,
but know my son is going on 12 and things aren't going to well.
He is so out of control, being teased, others being nasty and
etc. have made him very angry, the same kind of angry that I was
as a child and the same angry that I sometimes still feel. Can
anyone tell me how to make it easier on my son. I feel so guilty.
Waiting for anyone to reply..Thank you Annette J

[amgula]

Hi Annette and Eric,



I am a 32 year old who was born with a (severe) bi-lateral
cleft lip and palate also. I went through so much teasing from
other classmates (as well as outside my class and even out in
public). I know it made me a very angry, mistrusting, sometimes
hateful person. In retrospect, and I wish I knew then what was
needed, I wish I had been brought to a counselor to get all those
feelings out. You probably know it is just too much for a person
to handle him or herself, no matter how strong the person. And
even though I appeared strong, (as many of us do, and truly are;
more so than your "average bear"), I, you, all of us,
should NOT have to handle this alone!



I'm not a psychologist, nor do I claim to know the answers,
but I am people-smart, luckily. I realize that in myself, because
of the teasing, I felt all these emotions and became extremely
unconfident as a person (and what I mistook as
confidence---making fun of others to make myself feel better-is
not confidence). And with this growing lack of confidence, it
became increasingly difficult to deal with anyone. And rightfully
so, who, other than those truly dedicated to being with me such
as my family, should have to put up with my anger, nasty
comments, sour moods, etc.



Happily, I truly believe ALL OF THIS can be helped. I only
started therapy when I was 22 and went an average of 10 times
every other year as needed. That, and learning to trust those who
are closest to me, first, then others, helped immensely. In the
past 5 years, I've evolved into a confident, caring,
self-accepting person who is not afraid to reach out to others.



This mail was a bit long, but hopefully it helped. If you
wish to write me, you may do so at amgula@sprynet.com



Good Luck

[videogel@aol.com]

been there its very hard lets talk